Confidence in Your Ideal Size

Have you seen the Jenny Craig commercials on TV or their ads in magazines recently? Queen Latifah is quoted as saying she’s “size active” and encourages people to take the first step to their ideal size. Valerie Bertinelli says she found her ideal size and is “size surfer girl” now that she’s in shape enough to surf. This new campaign by Jenny Craig is helping women to focus on feeling good in their healthier bodies and about themselves, no matter their size or weight. Finally!

Their focus isn’t to help women get down to a size 2, but to discover what is healthy and realistic for them. Jenny Craig’s former spokesperson, Kirstie Alley, got to a size (I think it was a 10) that was comfortable for her to maintain and feel good about. She was happy with that. It worked for her, and what we are hearing is that Queen Latifah, Valerie, and role models such as Oprah are content to be fit at a healthy size they can live with.

So why do so many of us strive to be under a size 8 or ideally a size 0? Perhaps it is because we are reminded constantly by the media’s attention on celebrities that anything larger isn’t desirable, beautiful or sexy. Sadly, even the celebrities that look like they have perfect size 0 bodies confess they are unhappy with something about their features. That isn’t good news for the rest of us. Or is it?

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Feeling Better in a Bathing Suit

It is that time of year when my female clients are getting bent out of shape because their spouse or boyfriend has booked them a sunny and warm vacation in the Caribbean. It is the last place they want to go they tell me because it means they have to be seen in their bathing suit, and they just aren’t slim enough to put one on. This is becoming an annual discussion I have with clients, because the thought of putting on a swim suit for most women who don’t see their bodies as perfect enough is more unpleasant than the prospect of having a romantic and much needed get away. I don’t know of any man that can relate to this, but I’m sure the majority of women can.

It is an awful feeling to be in public when you think you look positively ridiculous and disgusting squeezed into a piece of spandex. But you don’t have to look squeezed into a suit anymore than you have to feel disgusting or judged for who you are. There are three things you can do to feel differently so you want to jump up and down for joy that you are one of the lucky ones getting away for winter or spring break.

One of them isn’t to go on a quick diet ahead of time. That is the worst thing you can do, because you will set an unrealistic weight loss goal and feel miserable that you didn’t achieve it. You will also deprive yourself on the diet, which will lead to even greater overindulgence and feeling badly while on vacation.

Instead the first thing is to get a suit that fits you properly. Whether you do find a suit that you think is flattering or not, the second thing you can do is pretend you look fabulous anyway. This leads to the third thing you can do, which is to stop caring what other people think.
Once you are armed with your new suit, new attitude and determination not to accept other people’s judgment of how you look, a trip to warmer climates can be relaxing and enjoyable. This week try thinking yourself thin and choosing not to take on anyone’s judgment of you. You may find you have more fun and judge others less in the process.

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What Does Shame Have To Do With It?

It is always heart breaking when someone you know feels they are so bad, unworthy and undeserving that they add insult to injury by withholding from themselves. I've had clients say they don't feel entitled or deserving enough to give themselves the food, sleep, water or exercise they need or want. The way they prove themselves right is by sabotaging their success, so they can demonstrate they really are bad and not good enough to warrant help or self care.

In a recent study done by Harvard University of 4500 junior high and high school girls, they found that the ones who were least liked gained more weight during adolescence than those who were popular. Despite efforts to improve the girls eating and exercise habits they still gained weight, in part because they were turning to food for comfort. This study further validates that how you feel about yourself drives your lifestyle choices and behaviors.

I spent most of my life battling shame, and I used food to comfort and punish myself. I know how awful it is to be unpopular and overweight as an adolescent. What these girls need is a way to observe their behaviors around food without feeling judged and to come to understand the difference between physical and emotional hunger. As they come to understand which times they are eating out of emotion, then they can start to address what those emotions are and what is driving them. By taking back control over food, they can also start to feel better about themselves and begin to address the cause of their shame.

Becoming Victim to the Scale

Last week a friend of mine was getting upset because she had done a hard workout but her scale didn’t budge. She wanted to see it go down two pounds and she was consumed by the fact that it didn’t. She’s a healthy size 6. She looks great and is fitting better in her clothes. But that doesn’t console her. All she is focused on is what it says on the scale and what she can do to change it.

She checks the scale regularly throughout the day to see if it has budged, and she feels euphoric if it has gone done and depressed if it hasn’t. The results run her life, her decisions about food and exercise, and how she feels about herself.

Yet she has a 50/50 chance of stepping on the scale and having it go down or up. And as much as she would like to believe, she doesn’t control the outcome on an hourly basis nor even on a daily basis.

This week get rid of your scale and stop being the victim. You don’t need a scale to tell you if you’re overweight and unhealthy. Free yourself to pay attention to how you feel physically and let that drive your decisions instead.

The Hidden Side of Type 2 Diabetes

Type 2 Diabetes continues to be in the headlines as a health crisis because more people are getting the disease and not enough of them are doing what it takes to minimize the complications that come with it. This is hard for those around them to understand. Friends, family and co-workers can’t grasp why it is so hard to get a healthier lifestyle if it means less suffering and pain. They wonder why those with cancer or other life-threatening diseases take action, while those facing diabetes seem stuck and unwilling to take better care of themselves. Are you one of those asking this question?

Unfortunately many of those at risk or who already have diabetes don’t understand it themselves. They don’t know why it is so hard to make changes or maintain better habits. It just is. But what so many of them do know is they feel misunderstood, frustrated and sick of dealing with the disease. The result is that millions of them simply give up trying and shut off their feelings, which leads to resignation and a denial of their situation.

As an onlooker, what we see is their denial and refusal to do more. What they are actually experiencing is something far deeper: the repression of their emotions. They are dealing with feelings (many that contributed to their eating habits, lifestyle and diagnosis) such as shame, unworthiness, not being good enough or perfect enough. Add to that fear, stress, and all their other painful feelings that are pushed down and out of reach. Hiding beneath the surface is a personal crisis driving their behaviors.

The way to address it is with a non-judgmental approach to lifestyle intervention that is flexible and slowly rebuilds confidence through small goals and successes and provides a place for feelings to be released and beliefs to be changed.

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